No Way Out
by Walkinthegarden
Summary: People look at me and see a happy child, they are fools. I'm suicidial and I truly don't know if i'll kill myself tonight.
1. Chapter 1

**No Way Out**

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I smiled as I entered the BAU. It was fake, as it seemed to always be now a days. I'm visiting my mother since she works there. My mom's a secretary, nothing as glamouros as a profiler, but good enough for her. I see them alot though, my idols, the best team of profilers. I hate them and love them at the same time. JJ, she's so beautiful. Reid, he's so smart. Garcia, so open and hard to not love. Hotch, always calm and collected. Morgan, so strong and sweet. Emily, so confident and loving. Rossi, such a leader and passionate. They were all the thing I was not.

I'm not pretty, not really. I have big brown eyes, my only attractive quality. I have long brown hair that is untame no matter how hard I try. My skin is pale in some spots and tan in others. I'm a few extra pounds, so I'm quietly made fun of, which is worse to me then being made fun of to my face. I have achne problems, I guess like most kids, but no one has achne problems in my school. I'm smart, but I don't have the strength or will power to apply myself. I'm a follower, I'll follow anyone who will love me. My parents love me, I know that, but they're not enough. There is so much hate around me it hurt my heart. My family has been taken from me. My grandmother and great aunt died, within two years of eachother. My friends are unsympathetic, and I hate them for it. I'm not sure I can even call them my friends. My friend is uses me, but each time, I let her. She is my friend one minute and not the next. She'll be gone by the end of the year. My other friend only hangs out with me when she'd got nothing better to do. And my best friend, I'm not sure I can even call her that, I can't even talk to her. If I told her I was depressed she'd brush it off. I know she doesn't want to be my friend anymore, I just know. She's just to nice to tell me.

"Sweetheart," my mother calls, "can you give these to JJ?" I want to tell her no, but I don't, I never do. I take the file from her and start to walk over to them.

"Hey baby doll," Morgan greets.

"Hi Derek," I say with a fake cheerful voice. For a profiler, he doesn't see. Have I gotten that good at my act? That a profiler can't see my pain? Maybe he doesn't want to. Maybe he doesn't care. When I enter JJ's office, I'm not supprised she's not there. I leave the file on her desk and exit. I feel a sob in my throat, but I force it away. I make all the pain in my eyes dissappear as I saw hello to Hotch. He doesn't even say hello as he goes past me. I feel my heart fall even more as the man I have a secret crush on dissappeared into his office.

All my friends think I have the perfect life. I get descent grades, I have very nice and loving parents, I have a good group of friends, I'm friends with all the teachers, and I get almost anything I want. They don't know that my parents are going to get divorced when I'm eighteen. They don't know that I'm not all smiles and puppies. They don't know that I'm crying and want someone to hear. They don't know I've stopped myself from committing suicide three times. They don't know me like they think they do. They don't. If I did die, I'm not sure how many of them would go to the funeral. My parents would, maybe my aunts (though I'm not sure, they didn't go to their own mother's funeral because it was three hours away), I know my family friends would, maybe, but not likely my best friend, my friends might, my teachers might, but all the mights make me sad. We have a comunitty paper, they'd say I 'passed away' from an accident or something, they never report the truth unless someone got married. A man, a doctor, commited suicide and he "died of natural causes".

I'm pulled out of my thoughts as I see Hotch embrace his girlfriend. JJ gets everything, and I hate her for it.

Later that night, as I sit in my bedroom, I take a bottle of sleeping pills. I smile a real smile as I lay my head against the pillow. I close my eyes. My parents sleep on, my father on the couch, my mother in her room. They don't know I'm dieing. They don't know that when they wake up the next morning I won't. They will kiss my forehead and go to work for the day. They will soon find though, that I am dead. I'm not sure why the thought makes me smile, but it does.

20...

19...

18...

I grin as I remember the time my daddy picked me up and too me into the living room.

17...

16...

15...

I remember the time my mother bought me ice-cream at the mall.

14...

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12...

I remember when I invited all my friend over for a sleepover birthday party. None slept over, but everyone came to the party.

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10...

9...

I remember when we first moved here to Washington DC.

8...

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I remember the first time I met the BAU.

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3...

But nothing is enough. I guess I'm selfish. Their are people out their who have horrible lives, but I guess I'm not as strong as some of those people. When the clock hits one, I will be dead.

2...

Good bye everyone.

1...

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**A/n: I'm feeling very down and deppressed right now. In all reality, the girl is me. I'm on the virg of suicide so this might be the last thing I post. i wont even bother with telling you to review. I'm just letting you know so if I don't update you'll know why.**


	2. An

**Thank you all very much for caring enough about me to say soemthing. I don't know why I was so deppressed last night, but I really coudn't see any other way. My mother found me passed out on the floor this morning, not from a suicide attempt, but from all the stress, worry, fear, and exhaustion I'd worked up. So I woke in the hospital, the doctors want to keep me for a few days. My cousin in law brought her son, my nephew, over to see me and cheer me up since she knows I don't like hospitals. He's 10 months, he doesn't usually let me hold him for more then ten minutes, but I held him for an hour and a half and he made me feel like I was worth something, like I was loved. I think he could feel the sadness vidrate off me, babys have a weird way of knowing when they're needed. I'm feeling much better, so you all can let the breath you've been holding in go. Thanks for letting me know that even if my freinds and family hadn't missed me, that you all would.**

**Thanks everyone. :)**

**~Amanda**


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